That one word sums up my life right now. Every day I wake up expecting things to go the way I have planned and every day I am surprised when things fall apart. I am slowly starting to realise that my life is chaos. Very very slowing coming to realise. I have two children under two years old of course my life is chaos. There is no order or efficieny. There is no real structure or routine.
I am still learning to deal with it. I still have tears of frustration and sighs of giving up; I still get irritated by the chaos. But I have learnt five things which help.
I have learnt that every day, no matter how chaotic, has moments of peace. Maybe it’s when Peter gives me a tight hug and puts his head on my shoulder. Maybe it is when Tim is kicking on his mat and he looks at me and smiles. Maybe it is when the boys are in bed and Colin puts his arms around me. It may be fleeting but every day has a moment of peace; we just have to look for it.
I have learnt that every day, no matter how chaotic, has moments of happiness. When Colin tells me I did well or when Tim giggles or when I come home from the shops and I hear Peter’s gleeful ‘Mum!!’ There are always moments of happiness.
I have learnt that every day, no matter how chaotic, I did something right. Perhaps I did one thing off the list; perhaps I made lunches for the week; perhaps I did a bunch of admin; perhaps I held Tim while he was crying or I got Peter to sleep in his bed. I did at least one thing right every day.
I have learnt that every day, no matter how chaotic, has an end. There is always a time when the boys are in bed, the lights are out and I am lying stretched out on my bed. There is always some sleep. There is always a time to recharge for the next day.
Lastly and most importantly I have learnt that every day, no matter how chaotic, has time for prayer. It may be a long written out prayer. It may be prayers in my head while I am driving. It may be quick quiet prayers while I cook or run to fetch a screaming child. Every day has time for prayer and it is those prayers that make the chaos bearable.
We all live chaotic lives. Some seasons are more chaotic than others but life is generally a bit crazy. I hope what I am learning can help you. Look for the moments of peace and happiness; you do at least one thing right every day; each day will end and most importantly look for the times you can pray.