I am being audited by SARS. Which happens every year and every year it really stresses me out. I worry that I made a mistake and the tax man will think I’m committing fraud on purpose and put me in tax jail. Now I know this is very unlikely and the money I deal with seems like loads to me but is peanuts to the taxman, but still.
[/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”3.26.6″][et_pb_column _builder_version=”3.26.6″ type=”4_4″][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.26.6″ custom_padding=”0px|||||”]I’m a worrier. I can’t help it. I worry about everything. It started when I was very young. I can remember when my sister and I shared a bedroom and I used to plan out the route I would take to get us out safely if ever there was a fire. (Usually it involves jumping from bed to toys to chest of drawers because the fire was always going to be in a neat little circle in the middle of the floor).
These days it revolves around my family. If Colin is taking a bit longer to come home I start to think that maybe he has been in a car accident and maybe he has been killed and where will I live if I am a widow and will go back to my parents so I have help with the boys? If the dogs start barking in the night I start to plan how I am going to get the boys and lock us all in a room if we are broken into. And then how I am going to get us out of the room and over the wall without being detected. I think about what I will do if I get raped, if Colin gets beaten, if one of the boys gets shot. All the time.
I worry about normal things too. Like having enough money to pay all the bills and where to send the boys to pre-school and school. I worry about whether we are listening hard enough for God’s voice and if we should stay in Pietermaritzburg or move. I worry about if I am stimulating Peter enough, doing enough for Tim’s colic. Am I holding Tim enough or will we have a bad relationship because I often put him down in his cot? Is Peter eating enough and the right food because why is he not gaining weight? Am I raising my boys well or will they be psychopaths?
Always I worry. And I know that I shouldn’t. I know that it will do absolutely nothing to help. I even know that the Bible says it’s a sin and I shouldn’t. But how do I stop? The more you try not to worry, the more you worry about worrying. It’s a vicious cycle. But there are times when it is better, when those thoughts are quieter. Usually it is when I am focusing not on them but on God. The more I fix my eyes on Jesus the better it is. There is a song that says ‘turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face and the things of the world will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace.’ And it is true. The more we look at God and just think on Him and who He is, the less worried I am.
We play a CD in the car for Peter, it’s called J is for Jesus by the Emu Kids. It has a song called Don’t be Afraid of the Night. These are the words:
The lights are off it’s dark outside
Thoughts come into my mind
Spiders snakes are creatures
Of every scary kind
I know they’re only imaginary
But even if they’re real
Jesus is much stronger
Than the fiercest monster
So don’t be afraid of the night
Even in the darkness
We’re always in God’s sight
So go to sleep
Dream happy dreams
God will hold you tight
You don’t have to be afraid of the night
May these words be as comforting to you as they have been to me. We don’t have to be afraid because we are always in God’s sight and He is sovereign and has control of all things.
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