Empty

That is the only word I can use to describe myself right now. Empty. My emotions have run the gamut this week from excited to stressed to happy to feeling ‘less than’ to exhausted to feeling like I have no idea how to be a mother. I have landed up on empty. Not the empty when the car light first goes on but you still have 70km before you actually stop. I have been on that empty lots of times in recent months and then God has graciously topped up my tank just a little – enough to make the empty light go off.

Now I’m feeling like I am at the beep every time you get in the car, 19km to go before you conk out kind of empty.

It’s been a crying day in our house. Tim doesn’t want to settle in his cot and we may start sleep training with him; Peter is getting his canines and has some attachment issues. AND it has been raining for 2 days so we can’t go outside. I was thinking of the song ‘Be still and know that I am God’ and I tried to be still for 5 minutes so I could listen to it but Tim started crying and Peter got hold of a pen and started drawing in my journal. Being stiĺl did not top up my tank.

Now I’m sitting in a coffee shop having hot chocolate and a plate of chips after leaving a crying toddler at home with Gogo. Yes I feel bad but I needed the space to breathe. The whole way here my car beeped at me because it is empty and needs diesel and my heart groaned at me that it too is empty and needs filling.

But how do I fill it when I can’t find 5 minutes to be still? When it’s youth tonight and youth camp tomorrow and I still have to shop and have people over in the afternoon and write a blog post and finish the camp books.

Fortuantely there is a good song for every occassion.
Hungry I come to You
For I know You satisfy
I am empty but I know
Your love does not run dry
So I wait for You
So I wait for You

I’m falling on my knees
Offering all of me
Jesus You’re all
This heart is living for

Broken I run to You
For Your arms are open wide
I am weary but I know Your touch
Restores my life
So I wait for You
So I wait for You

I’m falling on my knees
Offering all of me
Jesus You’re all
This heart is living for

So if you are like me today – if you are hungry or empty or broken or weary; join me in doing the only thing we can do. Fall on my knees and offer God all of me and then wait for Him to fill me, to satisfy me, to restore.